Bee's Ataraxy

* Your live has been too good Your lips have been smiling Giggles and laughter have been following You think straight, you work great Things have been easy for you to handle You feel like you're unstoppable  But suddenly, everything stops You mind freezes, trying to feel everything started to collapse Your belief, confidence, sympathy, and willingness to keep going slowly become lost in emptiness Trapped again inside of deep, deep cave in the middle of the forest  When you scream for help, the echoes always come back to you Everything has rewound to that old phase you always avoid to feel again  It is way too hurtful to the point that thinking of it scares you the most It's the reality after all Dealing with trauma is also knowing that you will feel those impacts again Those painful feeling will come back, begging you for protection  Those painful scars inside you will scream  Because basically they have never dried out  They're not healed; they're only tak...

* She won't let those tears visible, because people would think she's unable She can't just say no, just because she doesn't feel like so She's afraid She's anxious She's fragile She's one shaky girl, taking baby steps into this tough world Sometimes she stops, to make sure her feet still feel the ground And she keeps going Sometimes she kneels, to let go of this heavy pain in her chest, to say the least And she keeps going The journey seems to never face the end Those little blurry tapes from the past are still playing, loudly She wants to shut it down, and lay that down on the empty road  But no, she can't In fact, nobody can It's the war in her mind that sets it all But they always say she fakes it all Her self-soothing code doesn't match this hectic world It's left with the fortress inside her,  fighting against her own will, to just rest forever #

* Hey you It's okay No, I'm serious It's okay It's okay to feel tired, anxious, afraid, and hopeless Accept it, just accept it Accept it because it's valid Whatever you feel right now is valid Let it out Let those tears out  I know it feels heavy, I know it's suffocating you I know it's not easy to understand what it is, that makes you suffer I know it's never easy to find the answer If you can't fight it, make peace with it Hug yourself tighter Make up your mind and tell yourself that in order to be stronger, there's nothing wrong with taking time to rest This journey is yours and yours only This is not about them, who have been trying to embrace you This is not about them, who always want you to move on This is about you, who have fought so hard,  being in the battle with your own mind that drags you down so far to the ground I know you are going to be okay I know there's always be a reason for you to keep going and keep trying I know this ...

* Sometimes, they don't realize how amazing it is to have stability Stability is so crucial, that they want to do anything in order to have that Stability in work, income, routine, emotions, feelings, and situation  What could be more important than that? Well, the battle of reaching the peak of stability is never easy Some people are taking all risks, so that they could create the right path to follow Some people are sacrificing their time, so that they don't have to deal with unnecessary feelings  Some people are still seeking for inner-wellness, so that they could convince themselves that it's okay to start something  Some people are still fighting their own battle of emotions, so that they could have the will to stay alive It's easy for you, but it doesn't mean that it's easy for them, too It's easy for you start something, it's not easy for them, even just to get out of bed in the morning It's easy for you to get motivation, it's not easy fo...

* * Have you ever felt like you're never enough? Have you ever felt like you're never gonna be enough? Your friends are busy doing their job at the office from 9 to 5, making great amount of monthly salary into the pocket, and spending time with their co-workers, having nice cups of iced coffee Your other friends are busy taking care of their kids at home 24/7, enjoying parenthood, and discussing about how nice a household can be with relatives, having nice cups of warm tea Your other friends are busy looking for jobs, waiting for another opportunity to make themselves busy, trying to keep themselves alert of time Your other friends are busy keeping themselves alive, by realizing that being a little bit happy for what they're doing in life is never so hard And then there's you Feeling lost, confused, empty, and numb, like you'll never find the way to end this torture Struggling to find a purpose in your life, because you've seen too many examples and versions of...

  * Moon is what I’ve been wishing to talk to Wave is what I’ve been wanting to run with Space is where I’ve been wanting to live in Deep breath is what I’ve been dying to have Slowly knitting a dream from scratch Carefully looking for a guide to sanity Wishing that this is that one direction I've been looking for But then they say “As a rock, you have too much to wish for.” #

 * They often ask “What it’s like to be dying?” Then, I smile Holding their hands tightly Exploring those eyes deeply Rubbing their palm softly They say “Why are you keep smiling instead of answering my question?.” And then I say “This is the answer.” #

  * All she wants is just being herself All she wants is just stop being someone that people always want her to be Where’s that chance? They thought it’s been given to her long time ago They thought she’s being herself by earning those grades They thought she needs it to be okay When it comes to approval, she failed herself, badly The support system becomes death She wants to say something, but she got nothing to say There’s no other intention, except to get rid of the expectations #

 * Being a doctor is what they call a major success Having high monthly salary is what they call a real job Achieving multiple degrees is what they call smart Out of that line, is just a joke, a false pride The play on age is an absolute life measurement Reaching off-book dreams sounds like smuggling drugs It’s illegal It’s a crime It’s a shame What about them who try so hard to just be alive What about them who try so hard to get out of bed What about them who are dying inside but smiling outside What about them   who have to face that mean eye-glare for still holding on #